Book Report: The Explosive Child

There won't be any spoilers in this post because I think the book is worth a read for really anyone who works with kids or maybe even manages teenagers at the Dairy Queen in Veneta, Oregon. The author makes clear points and the vignettes woven through were interesting enough to motivate me to finish the book before writing a book report.

The good news is since we've been here, my little "softball" has been more cooperative than usual. The nickname softball is because I could have gotten a kid who is a lot harder. I feel like God was like, "hey, you can't handle a lot so I'll throw you a softball. This kid is going to remind you everyday that you can't do this alone. Also, you will be humbled." The psychologist here said that the cooperation is likely because I am more relaxed here at the Kur. As the book adeptly states, it takes two to tango in terms of things not going well. Chill mommy = better for all parties involved.

With that in mind, for my part, the big reminder/revelation is: "Kids do well if they can (not if they want to)." When I'm in the thick of a struggle and my worst self, I used to think, "This kid wants to make everyone's life awful." Even not in the thick, I always thought, "oh it wants attention, is trying to manipulate me, etc." Now I think it is being challenging because it is lacking the skills of problem solving, flexibility, frustration tolerance, and/or problem solving. The book goes on to suggest ways to teach kids to learn these skills in a way that is both helpful and approachable. 

Some of the skill building is a little tricky at this age, so I'm working on more conversation and one-on-one time together in the meantime. This was breakfast one day:

Softball: "I don't want to go to Kur childcare."

Me: "But I need to go to classes to be a better mommy."

Softball: "You need to go to drawing classes."

Me: "What is more important being a better mommy, or drawing better?"

Softball: "You need to do both gooder."

Later that day we participated in a class called story and share which yielded this collaborative art project:

Collaborative = My scribe directed my drawing and intervened only when necessary. Yes, these are my drawing skills. Softball has a point.