Real Talk: Tummy Troubles

I wish this post was about some English translations I've seen that don't work. Like the name of the pet food store around the corner from our house:

Dogs go "barf" in German. 

This was my favorite in Italy:

Thinking about licking a mustache is a good segue into the actual top of this blog - vomiting. 

It was a source of pride that I went almost twenty years without barfing with two notable exceptions. I, the lone sober Beckley, was the only one barfing on Christmas Eve 2010. I did get to have the experience of Connor holding my hair back. Thanks again for that bro. The other was my fault but an accident. 

Sushi with Sake + Beer + Altitude = life lesson. This was maybe my last beer and definitely my last alcoholic beverage at altitude. It was also the last time Colleen and I got hit on by an uncle/nephew combination but I digress…

My iron stomach and ability to sleep deeply were thrown out the window when Crosby Ralph took up residence in my womb. Was I tempting fate by picking the middle name Ralph? 

Either way, the inspiration for this blog post came to me at 2 am while deciding I should get up and start sipping some bambino Imodium ahead of our five hour bus ride followed by two hour return flight to Berlin. It was convenient that I was writing in the bathroom office so I could rub Hugo's back 15 minutes later when he came in to ralph. As the trip home to Berlin was not a repeat of the 2003 Belize bus trip that forged Laurel’s and my friendship, I think I got a better deal getting sick at the end of this trip. 

The purpose of this blog is to share some hard won tips and tricks in these "longest shortest" parenting years. 

Tip 1: If possible, abort mission 

If your kid starts barfing in-transit, just turn around and go home. It’s not car sickness, it’s the start of Tip 2 - Putting your kid in a full body rain suit so it’s easier to hose him off when the next round of barf comes. I learned this lesson the hard way with Colleen on the world’s saddest road trip. Unfortunately, we managed to infected every adult - including ourselves - along the way. 

Tip 3: Quarantine if you can't cancel the trip

If it happens in Berlin - lots of options. 

Tip 4: Briefs over Boxers

Once your kids are out of diapers, don't give them all away. A tummy bug is likely around the corner. If you are traveling and don't have any diapers - a maxi pad jammed in briefs might save you a couple extra trips to the laundry mat. My favorite quote from my son wearing the maxi pad, "how are you supposed to move in this?" Turns out the maxi pad trip is also an empathy teaching tool.

Tip 5: Bring your medicine cabinet with you

Everyone will get sick on a holiday or day everything is closed. My complete packing list is here. Generally speaking - skip liquids and stick to chewables and suppositories. As soon as your kids can take the adult version - go that route. Sometimes the kid flavors are even too gross for them. 

Tip 6: Avoid sugar

We'd been avoiding the gallon pump Nutella at breakfast but I figured sipping lemon soda was fine. Turns out sugar doesn't help the bad belly. 

Tip 7: Travel with your own travel sized disinfecting spray

This last trip we had one bathroom for the five of us. I wonder if we'd been able to spray everything down after every use if that would have kept this bug from spreading. If nothing else, the disinfecting spray can double as an air freshener.

Tip 8: Have Ziplock plastic bags in every bag or in your hand at all times

I have large Ikea resealable bags in every suitcase outer pocket in case something leaks. A classier option is to steal them from the plane - as seen discretely here in my right hand during this five hour bus trip. 

Tip 9: Empty Pitcher on the Table

This can be at home or at a restaurant that serves water in a pitcher. Keep the pitcher empty on the table in case anyone can't hold it in. Thankfully I've only had to do this at home. I remember my poor mom having to employ this trick at her office when I was Crosby's age. #Americanworkethic

Tip 10: Have your tummy trouble essentials at the ready at home

On our "luckier" trips, the barfies didn't hit until we got home. I have a bin always stocked with the following items:

• Instant Chicken Noodle Soup
• Electrolytes
• Apple juice
• Rice Crackers
• Apple Sauce
• Glow sticks (to put in the barf bucket so the kids can aim in the dark.)

More tips are always welcome. Please comment or commiserate below.