Book Report: How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids

Germany isn't big on Valentine's Day which is great for me, because a crafting project would likely put me over the edge. Not just because I have the flu.

That's two break-through cases for me in four years for those keeping score at home.

But also, as the title of this book might suggest, PB^2  is a bit of a low point.  

Funny enough, I didn't start reading this book at the low point. Totally unrelated, things just devolved. Nevertheless, I am very serious about the old "until death do us part". And so, I soldier on with some very practical encouragement from Jancee Dunn.  

The author does a much better job of putting to words the social phenomenon that I've been seeing play out around me. Women in my generation are bringing home the bacon and cooking it, so to speak. They've been told they can do anything, and so they are doing it. Heterosexual men, by and large, are a generation behind. They think as long as they are earning a paycheck whilst not being alcoholics nor beating their wives then they are nailing it. Meanwhile, heterosexual women everywhere are like, "Why don't I have a partner?"

Neither the book, nor I will go deep into how we got here as a society. But I will tell you what I'm doing to turn it around. I'm serious about teaching Crosby to cook. Here he is cooking chili for a dear friend who just had knee surgery. 

Here he is putting anything goes muffins in the oven. 

Generally we only cook during school breaks. However, there have been so many random school strikes recently, that apparently only our school participates in, that we've had some extra time on our hands. Crosby is very addicted motivated by video game time so he developed this very elaborate system to track his "payment".

I don't really know the hieroglyphics but the basic gist is he gets 10 minutes of playtime for:

- Picking up Carmen from preschool (He takes public transportation there and back. Stateside readers are crying tears of jealousy or anxiety.)

- "Babysitting" Hugo and Carmen. For example, he took Hugo sledding in Mauerpark for an hour.

- Writing down a recipe in his recipe book (I went on a little excursion to Dussmann to pick one out last fall break.) 

- Grocery shopping for the ingredients 

- Being a sous chef 

- Cooking all by himself (then he also gets 5 Euros)

He "hates" cooking. But, that's also part of being human - doing things you don't like not on an ideal schedule. While I've enjoyed the help, I think cooking has been a big confidence boost for him. The last couple weeks he's been helping me with our new Sunday tradition of "Park Soup." We load up an Insta-pot or two of soup, let it cook during church, and eat it at the park across from the Sunday School with whoever wants to join. Show me a 12 year-old who feeds 10-15 people on a Sunday:

Ok, that time I sent him out to the farmers market to buy ingredients for three seperate meals was physically too much to carry.

The littles are still in the sous chef territory. 

2 Kilos (4.5 pounds) Brussel sprouts prepped for Thanksgiving. Check.

This year, the three will be responsible for Christmas Eve dinner. The old Beckley family tradition is waffles with strawberries and whipped cream and a side of bacon or sausate. The new tradition is that Christmas is not brought to you by mom anymore. Crosby learned how to make an advent wreath at the florist by our house. 

And there will be multiple practice rounds between now and then.

Because as I was recently reminded at Berlin Projekt's Pop-Up Prayer room, I'm not loosing hope that this year (which starts in March) will be different.

"Behold, I make all things new."

Keep striving my heterosexual lady friends. And gay friends - thanks for blazing the trail to better gender equity. Love you all.

Memes to Live By

As I'm not on social media, I rely on the universe (ie my lovely friends) and WhatsApp Status (social media gateway drug) to help me stay "relevant". Relevant like blogging in 2026. Speaking of which, happy Blog-aversary to me - 20 years next month. Has the content improved? Debatable. Has the photography?

Not when I'm in charge. 

Humble brag - Hugo passed his bronze swim test so next year's school swimming hopefully won't be a snooze fest. He managed to argue with me every time he turned at the wall about how many more laps he needed to do. He'll start Judo next month. #notcoachmom

When accomplishing challenging tasks, like solo parenting while Paul is NYC, memes go a long way. And so I present to you a very small collection of some of my recent favorites.

As you can see, I've got sleep on the brain. Every year when winter hits my goal is to hibernate. It isn't because I don't like cold, I think I just don't like feeling like I'm dragging. So when I saw this from a new church buddy, a new mantra was born.

On that note, a nap beckons. Stay rested my friends...

Book Report: Educated

Ok, I know everyone and my favorite president already read this book back in 2018. 

But my brain was elsewhere...mostly trying to get this guy to make it to 2019.

There are all kinds of crazy in Educated, most of which is impossible here as school attendance and health insurance are mandatory in Germany. Also, I don't even know how I would buy a hunting rifle not to mention the other weapons described in the book are unavailable through legal means. Those "rights" as well as the freedom to spread hate ideology are all "privileges" I am more than happy to forfeit to live here.  

While the European Union asked citizens last spring to be prepared for 72 hours in case of a national emergency, I did not take any tips from Educated. Most of us from the Pacific Northwest had a "get-out" bag ready for the past-due "Big One" earthquake. Below I'm offering my rational person's guide to being prepared. Like most things in my life, it's a remix and half-baked. 

The first step was to 'tend and befriend.' I reached out to Andrew to ask if he has a camping stove. This girl isn't going camping anytime soon and these skills could be helpful in an apocalypse. 

When disaster strikes Andrew will bring the stove, fuel, and JR. We will survive off our freezer and then here is my box:

Its proximity to the door is just because I haven't found a place to put it.

Non-Consumable Contents:

- Plastic Sheets - in case a window shatters

- 2 Rolls of Duct tape - to cover the window and hide from Hugo so it doesn't get lost to his art projects

- 500 Euros Cash - the suggestion is 70-100 Euros per person 

- Life Straw - already had this on hand as a stocking stuffer in the "Big One" prep days

- Hand-crank Radio/Flashlight - Paul mentioned that people were lined up for hours in Ukraine when the war started just to charge their phones. No thanks. The emergency radios I found here looked like garbage, so I picked-up one for Team Biggs and one for Team Mathewson during our last visit to the states.

Food:

- All the lentils - we decided this was a better choice than beans because the cook time is faster.

- Bouillon - these lentils are going to be pretty basic, but at least better than just straight salt.

- Case of Water - this six liters isn't honestly enough for a morning with our crew. But storing the recommended four liters per person per day feels insane. If we do run out of water, I promise not to make the "stay thirsty my friends" joke.

I'm also trying to have an extra case of shelf stable milk, juice, beer in our pantry. Technically you're not supposed to drink distilled water but we need it for Paul's CPAP so I've also been buying a couple extra five liter bottles and cycling through them. 

I've invited Alla and Shanni also to join in the fun. The circle could also be extended if we don't have heat and my plastic sheet/duct tape makeshift window could be of use to keep other friends warm. Would sheltering alone be better than being with our crazy crew? Depends how much you like lentils. 

Stay prepared my friends.

Carmen is 6!

It had been a little while since Carmen went to Tropical Islands.

Summer 2020 with Bal

Her brothers have since gone a couple times for their birthdays but Carmen wasn't on the invite list. The stars have to align for me to make the trek:

- must be mid-week and not during a school holiday

- has to be with people I love

- bonus points if you go with someone on the actual birthdate because the birthday person gets in free

And so, this year was perfect because her birthdate was on a Monday and this is the last year she can skip a day of preschool. Skipping actual school here is a finable offense. Also, two of our favorite people, Jo and Alexander, were available.

As luck would have it, Jo has a car. Only a third of people own a car in Berlin, so that was a big win. 

Jo also brought party hats, magazines, and fun activities to do along the way.

Taking a car to Tropical Islands is a game changer. It takes an hour instead of two and there is no constant looking at the watch to make sure we don't miss the bus. We did all the things - water slides, lazy rivers, go-carts, climbing structures, sauna - whilst narrowly avoiding water cannons straight to our faces. 

After a successful return car ride, employing a bucket of popcorn to keep the kids awake, we arrived home to a surprise cake from Bal. 

We were home too late to call family and friends, that will be happening soon. Carmen's last request was to use the face paint she got from Alexander for her birthday. Crosby volunteered his art skills like the boss big brother he is.

I'd be lying if I said I don't miss the baby phase. But Carmen continues to snuggle me and her fashion sense - cheetah/sparkle/unicorn - is just what the world needs right now.

Happy Birthday Carmen! Each year you are even more awesome than the last.

Book Report: Burnout, Coming Home, and Taste

Whenever I talk with people who are beaten down by the news, I tell them about my morning routine. Paul and I stretch to Steven Colbert's most recent monologue. We then complete a HIIT work-out. The rigorous exercise after the news flushes the fight or flight hormones to "complete the stress cycle" as the Nagoski twins explain in their book Burnout.

I started reading this book back in 2022 upon the recommendation of one of the least burnt out people I know. Also, Beff is one of the most badass people alive. Here she is carrying-on all the possessions she brought with her for a year living abroad with her family in Malaga.  

I got about half-way through the book and then stalled out a bit in the chapters about body positivity. After all, my last clothing purchase was a white sequined jumpsuit. I don't have to remind myself that I am "the new hotness". 

We just are.

As an aside, I give my mom full credit for my positive body image. She was very confident about her own appearance, which is actually the best indicator about how a daughter will feel about her own body. Also, through finally finishing the book, I now realize that the quote I hear in my head, "smart women don't stay home" is likely falsely attributed to her. It rather came from my "madwoman in the attic". Showing gratitude also helps with burnout.  #thanksmom

The flip side of healthy media boundaries is that I sometimes miss important stories. I remember reading the headline of the US/Russia prisoner swap of WNBA star Britney Griner for the 'Merchant of Death'. While watching the summer Olympics with Kiki, I saw Britney Griner on the screen and I commented, "Can you believe that swap?" Kiki respectfully gave me a brief backstory and BG filled me in the rest.

If I were a high school teacher, this book would be required reading. There is a message in here for everyone. However, just like the news, I would not recommend reading Coming Home in the evening.  It's so engaging that you'll stay up past your bedtime. For completing end-of-day domestic duties, I would suggest Stanley Tucci's Taste.  

This book will not put you to sleep but later it will have you dreaming of Timpano. Also, if you're anything like me, you'll be grateful that you're not sharing a bed with a foodie. Italian cooking has soooo many steps and courses. I love listening to a good story while chopping but I also have other things I like to do....like sleep. Speaking of which, I need to put this little kitchen helper to bed.

Bonus points if you can identify this protein source.

Stay sane my friends. 

Fall Break 2025

Psychiatrist: “How often do you fly back to the USA with your family?”

Me: “Every two years.”

Psychiatrist: “Maybe you could make it every three.”

We split the difference, with 2.5 years between our last visit, because Halloween fell during fall break this year. A few things happened since our last Halloween stateside,

namely Crosby is out of his Batman phase.

Also, we have two sets of grandparents in Arizona. Our first stop was Papa and Coco in Mesa, outside of Phoenix. The sun coupled with a backyard pool and Coco's cooking is great for getting over the nine-hour time difference between Central European Timezone and Mountain Standard Time.

As is carving pumpkins while wearing an Elsa wig that mostly looks like a silver mullet.

While maybe not a specific jet lag cure, Hugo's watermelon helmet deserves an honorable mention. 

As does his new love of Slurpees. 

From Mesa, our paths diverged. Paul took the kids to his parents' house outside of Tucson, AZ while I went to hang with two of my favorite people. I took no pictures of my time with Kiki nor Karissa, but here they are looking fabulous a little over 13 years ago. 

I did, however, take a picture of this at the newly renovated PDX airport. 

Did I miss something? Did people visiting Portland not know that you shouldn't drink water out of the toilet?

Anywho, from PDX I flew directly to Palm Springs while Paul did an epic six-hour road trip through the desert with lots of this:

But our welcome at Mimi's and delicious dinner of steak and salmon with a guest appearance from KK made the drive worth it. 

Right Paul?

After a short and sweet visit we were off to San Diego to visit the Mathewson crew. The original plan was to go to Legoland California but we found that Crosby just recently aged out of legomania. He did, however, show a sliver of interest in surfing. 

These shakas don't lie.

We all got up, but style points again awarded to...

Surfing was just the start of a most amazing San Diego visit including but not limited to...

Avocado toast with our beloved emotional support toddler who according to Hugo "looks like she could be part of our family."
\

Boogie boarding followed by

Beach burritos

Robin getting suckered into some crafting project by Hugo (just like last year in Berlin)

A brief intro to animal husbandry

And the pièce de résistance...Halloween! The Mathewson's threw a party for 20ish of their dearest with games

The kids then divided and conquered trick-or-treating. The littles went with Laurel and Paul.

Our chicken went off with Gem's middle school buddies.

I, as Rosie the Riveter, stayed back and chatted with Colin's parents while trick-or-treaters came by.

The haul was considerable:

18 pounds/8 Kilos to be exact

At this point in the trip, the boys head back to Berlin for school but the girls' took advantage of Carmen's last year of freedom to head to Hawaii for Carmen to meet her cousin Constance. When I checked in to the hotel the reception asked if we were celebrating anything. I said, "Well my anniversary is tomorrow. But, I don't think it really counts when my husband is at work and I'm in paradise." Am I a horrible wife? Maybe. Am I an awesome mom?

Ask Carmen.

There was beach, pool, kayaking, paddle boarding, snorkeling with turtles, boogie boarding, and delicious food with people we love. I don't want to make anyone too jealous because Carmen's and my tans speak for themselves. But, this photo pretty much sums it up.

After Paul's harrowing 40th birthday return from Hawaii with two red eyes in a row, we opted to layover in San Francisco for a night. We planned for a hang with tio David starting with breakfast burritos on the water. 

Our "hang" developed into a "errand hang" because my suitcase broke beyond repair and then the new one we found needed to be filled with Trader Joes goodies. #lemonsintolemonaid

We got on the plane the day before travel chaos ensued in the US. It's the kind of trip that makes you think, "I should do this more often." And then, I introduce to you what we shall henceforth call "rainbow sleep". 

My apple watch shows me the breakdown of REM, core, and deep sleep. When Carmen gets in my bed in the middle of the night neither my watch, nor I, know what to call it. It's all the things, and none of them. It's just a block.

Jokes aside, it was an amazing trip. I'm so grateful to all of our friends and family who welcomed us and made it all possible. Specifically, a big thank you to Paul's parents who did all the things while I got my face sand blasted with Kiki for her (early) birthday and confirmed that Cycling Frogs is not my cup of tea with Karissa. Also, a special shout out to Paul and Colin who did things like take all the kids to Sea World so Laurel and I could drink matcha lattes and then be vigorously scrubbed down by hard working Korean ladies. #healthyglow

We miss you all already. We'll see you all again in two years.