To Karissa on her 41st Birthday

Two minutes before ending a most fabulous girls' trip, Evynne suggested we say our favorite thing about Karissa. Time did not allow. And thus - with Karissa's permission - I present a belated birthday greeting to the one-and-only Karissa Reed. But first, the backstory:

Officially Karissa and I met in first grade. Kristen, on the right in the middle of us, recently found this gem:

  If you have trouble figuring out who is who, you're not the only one. Two of my mom's friends went up to greet Karissa, thinking she was me, at my own baby shower. 

Karissa's baby shower was also memorable in that it was the first time I left the house by myself with newborn Crosby. It was amateur hour. I couldn't even figure out how to get the car seat out. Thanks again for the assistance MVP Grandma - Karissa's mom, Becky. Once Crosby was awake, I put him in Karissa's arms and we heard a splash. My first thought was, "OMG Karissa's water broke". But then I realized, "oh I guess Crosby's diaper was full." Yeah, should have changed him before the car ride. Full diaper + more pee = wet Karissa. But I digress...

Karissa and I were in most of the same classes for twelve years. We went to Costa Rica with our fifth grade school trip. We invited each other to each other's birthday parties. We got pulled over by the police together while TPing. (to TP = to decorate a house in toilet paper) The reason we got pulled over was my bad idea (a longer story). Anywho, she's gone along with similarly wacky ideas since but smartly puts the guardrails on: 

"Let's bring our floppy newborns on a mommy road-trip to Evynne's baby shower." In collective Reed wisdom, her husband - Aaron - came too.

Generally speaking, we didn't spend a lot of time one-on-one in K-12. Our friendship really took off post-college when we both kept finding ourselves single at our mutual friends' weddings. "Why are we still single?" we asked ourselves. In her case, it was a legitimate question. Karissa is the ultimate catch. Also, she's been consistently attractive. I, on the other hand, have made many a questionable fashion choice. Exhibit A: Costa Rica ten years after the fifth grade trip with a study abroad friend.

Michelle seen here looking fabulous. Paige seen here wearing an Alaskan tourism shirt Evynne bought for her back in middle school.

My life has always been, and continues to be, a different flavor of hot mess. Karissa, on the other hand,  has always been good at life. She makes good decisions whether it be career, love, fashion, decor, etc. Which brings me to my favorite thing about her: Karissa has been simultaneously above my inward or outward drama, while never making me feel like a disaster. 

I think my most recent visit to her house illustrates this beautifully. Karissa is gearing-up for her seventh round of chemo with three kids at home and a husband who just returned from a business trip to Heidelberg. She's packing lunches, coordinating caregivers, making brilliant April fools jokes, etc. I blow in with three bags hanging off me, make her stay up too late, don't even strip the sheets, and manage to leave my eye mask and charger at her house. I'm still a disaster, even at the time when I should be especially on my game, and she continues to keep me around. You will never meet a more faithful friend than Karissa. 

She is also a faithful sister, sister-in-law, colleague, aunt, wife, daughter and mother. She's been a bridesmaid in more weddings than anyone else I know. Needless to say, she's got a lot of people who want to hang with her. Also, she's got lame chemo side effects. In all this, she carved out a couple days for me to spend time with her and two of our oldest friends at the Gorge. And it was magical...

Kristen, Karissa, Evynne, and moi

Happy Birthday Karissa! I am so grateful for your friendship.

Potty Training Party

Potty-training, like most of parenting, is not a one-size-fits-all model. With our first we got really lucky that he let us know his poop cue early - taking a break while nursing.  I promptly bought a throne potty and googled elimination communication. Voila - we only changed a handful of poopy diapers between the ages of six to twelve months.

Did I mentioned he'd go anywhere?

We got him used to sitting on a potty. I'd hand him a book and ten minutes later I'd sometimes come back to find him like this:

But hey, he wasn't grumpy and there was usually something in the potty.

We put him on the potty after changing his diaper and during normal intervals - before leaving the house, when coming home from being out, etc. It was low stress, everyone was happy. A few days before he turned two he told me he needed to go potty, we ditched the diapers, and didn't have any accidents. I very naively thought to myself, "Why do people make such a big deal out of potty training?" 

Turns out people make a big deal of potty training because they've got S%it to do. It takes a lot of time and/or planning to potty train a kid. I am so grateful I got to have the one easy kid with very flexible part-time work scenario. But most folks have other kids at home, work, and in the case of one of my besties who inspired this blog - chemo to endure. And thus I present to you, my lessons learned from potty training kids on a time crunch. Most of the tips are from Jackie Glowacki's' Oh Crap! Potty Training. 

I potty trained at 20 months because I wanted to send the littles to Kita without diapers. Generally speaking, I think it's hard to coordinate a team of people in potty training. Thus, I sent them to preschool without diapers and they came home without them.

I think a very verbal little kid could manage at 20 months. However, I think potty training for my littles would have been much easier at 24 months. The key is to start before the little person wants to fight you which is likely why Glowacki ends the window at 30 months. This is the best quick and dirty book summary I found. Take a moment and read that summary then come back for the lessons learned below: 

1. You need to be determined 

Haters are going to hate (or maybe just be jealous that you're ditching diapers earlier than the new cultural norm). Glowacki does a really great pep talk. My favorite mantra is that you are giving your child self confidence in learning a new skill. I am happy to provide any flavor of pep talk via phone to any involved caregivers. 

2. Have a potty on-hand at all times

The beauty of potty training "early" is that it's more culturally acceptable to bring the potty around. I mostly got smiles and approving looks of "yeah that makes sense, that kid is so little you probably need to have a potty on hand." I should be an amazon affiliate for my carry potty.

3. Plug on the potty 

Carmen didn't like going pee at Kita. The trick was she'd tell a teacher she'd need to go and the teacher would give her the pacifier. She was allowed to have her pacifier on the potty. Then she'd give it back to the teacher after she went. 

4. Bonus points if you can potty train with a friend

Dudu and I straight crushed it with early potty training on our first round when we lived in the same city.  (Lots of self restraint not putting the tandem potty photos of our firsts which dominate my photos from 2015.)  However, our subsequent children included lots of epic accidents. Being able to text him, "Kid hasn't pooped in five days, how is this a thing?" was sanity saving. 

5. Bless you if you have a poop holder

The longest chapter in the Oh Crap! book is on pooping. I referred to it many times but in the end the thing that helped the most was just getting in the rhythm of always coming home and heading to the bathroom first thing after Kita. That is the special time Paul or I spend one-on-one with our poop holder. The child can unwind from a big day at Kita. Sometimes we read, play a game, or just chat. We found screens are too distracting for the task at hand. 

Pooping while traveling is still an issue this far down the potty-training road. We typically slip tasteless restorolax powder once a day into a glass of water on vacation. It isn't a laxative so it doesn't cause an Oh Crap! panic.   

This is where I off roaded from Oh Crap! a bit:

6. Rewards are ok

Glowacki doesn't think kids should be rewarded for going potty. But, a piece of candy went a long way in the poop battle. It was nice for all of us to eat something sweet to celebrate a win. Sweets for everyone were also nice because older kids were also helpful in reminding the littles that they should listen to their bodies.

7. Warm-water play trick

It's not realistic to not leave the house for seven days with a toddler. My work-around was having Carmen play with her beloved stackies and warm water. Does warm water actually make you pee? I don't know. I'd have a window when I needed to pick up the boys from Kita. I'd put her on the potty to play and then jump on the bike when she went.

8. Note when the child last used the potty

Glowacki is all about letting the child lead and not going on a set time. However, I feel like having a kid sit on the potty for 5 minutes every hour makes sense. One of the few advantages of potty training while pregnant is I had to go every hour, so it was pretty easy to just go together. If you're lucky enough to have a boy - the option of a "nature pee" or peeing outside is sometimes good if the little man doesn't want to sit.

9. It's ok to have the potties around before you commit to the plan

We've had potties around our house for the last almost ten years. As we well know, we're not winning any interior design awards around here. However, I think it was fine that we had some sitting sessions before we totally committed to working the plan. Glowacki is more dogmatic about just ditching the diapers and not screwing around. 

10. Don't worry about night time dry

Setting a time to wake up at 2 am to have a little kid potty in the middle of the night is crazy. But, putting him on the potty right before you go to bed is doable. That being said, if he doesn't go back to sleep easily than forget it. He'll be dry when he's big enough. Nap diapers are NBD.

With that...have fun! OMG could you be more annoying? Yes. I think the mindset of "we're going to spend quality time together" is helpful. Working a potty training plan is intense and maddening. But, the hard work is no small victory. And we could all use some wins around here.