Honeymoon Re-do

Paul’s and my three-week honeymoon was a bit of a bust. It was the first time I’d paid for a travel planner. The company we used likely wasn’t a scam; I think they just weren’t good at their jobs. Let’s just say I was already dissatisfied well before Paul and I were stopped at gun point in our “private transfer van” with ten locals.

This 18 “moment” meal for under $100 USD including drinks helped me manage my disappointment. 

However, I learned a valuable lesson. When I pay a bunch of money for something, I have high expectations. Accordingly, my expectations were relatively low when paying 220 Euros/260 USD (essentially a 10 Euro/day co-pay) for three weeks of room, meals, childcare, and a therapy plan. Success was defined as being able to sleep at night, opt out of therapy that doesn't serve me (like seminars on basic nutrition), and to convince Hugo to go to the Farm School. Very gratefully, my expectations were wildly exceeded. 

First of all, Baden-Württenburg is just so nice. The scenery is pretty, the people are friendly, and being able to ride for hours without a single stop light is just deluxe. 

Just don't trust google maps. Riding through this grass was the recommended route.

Ba-wü, as the cool kids call it, was just the place to reignite the spark with Hugo. Is there a more perfect day than riding 11 km/ 7 miles to this bike parkour...

...drinking an iced coffee

...and then going back for more laps?

Perhaps the biggest takeaway from our time together is that both Hugo and I need more exercise. If there was a drug that would give me calm focus, I would take it. I started my third attempt at finding a medication that works a couple weeks before the Kur. After six weeks, Strattera just made me tired instead of focused. And so I'm back to exercise as medication.* 

*Baby dose of 4-6 hour acting Ritalin helps me focus on boring tasks - like clearing off my desk. One morning a week when kids aren't around will be Ritalin morning. When the kids are around I just get irritated that they can't stay on task now that I can. ha! 

Just getting exercise in the morning isn’t enough. During the week I’ll do strength training with Paul in the morning. In the afternoon, I’ll be spending more time on my analog bike thanks to my most recent eBay score.

I'll be mounting this made in Eugene, OR Burley Piccolo for single kid school/kita pick-ups.

I also have a letter of medical necessity for a trampoline on our terrace in my hot little hand. No property manager wants a trampoline on property. But you know what I don’t want on site? The crazies.

This honeymoon was of course missing sex, I mean Paul. But I did finish this book with Hugo. I tried to read What's the Big Deal? with Crosby last year, and it created too much conflict. He already “knew” a lot of the material and thus viewed me reading the book aloud to him as a form of torture. As Hugo is on the younger end of target audience, he was still resistant but curious. The deal was he could do his second-dinner routine, but he would have to listen to me read while eating.  

He couldn’t help but ask 4,000 questions especially when I redacted the more conservative parts of the book. (ie “My hope for you is that you love Jesus; who you love romantically is not the big picture conversation.”) I told him he’s likely the only eight year-old with a basic understanding of the mechanics of homosexual sex. As such, please do like we do with Santa and keep it to yourself. If your kid suddenly has this knowledge it came from me, sorry not sorry. I’ll let and you take the conversation from there. 

There were a couple chapters with new topics for Crosby that I’ll be reading with him soon. We have ongoing conversations about appropriate touch and unethical adult behavior (thanks Epstein files). However, I haven’t broken down some of the more relevant information around sexual abuse and pornography. Smart kids are safe(r) kids.  

Hugo rekindled his love of swimming at the Kur. I tried to embed a photo of him doing a front summersault into the pool next to a no cannon ball photo, but blogger would not comply. We went to the pool most days and managed not to break the sauna despite putting water on it the first couple days before figuring out it was electric. 

Just like me figuring out that not everybody is an extrovert, I also noted there are a lot of people for whom Kurs aren't a great fit. A Kur is out if your kids won't willingly go to childcare/school with people whom they just met. You'll be stuck in the middle of nowhere with bread and coldcuts for breakfast and dinner. 

Side note: The food was perhaps a bit worse than the last Kur. However, my pre-Kur trip to the Mexican and Asian stores in Berlin supplemented the dirge of protein. Naturally, I also brought my handy silicone containers to package any extras from lunch. 

The real win was renting the communal fire pit for two nights. The first grill night I bought pizza dough, put some refried beans in, and called them "Mexican Empanadas". I also got s'mores ingredients because I'm not a monster. Other families joined in and brought delicious items.  

Also, I got the pro-tip from one mom that instead of making Stock Brot "stick bread" dough, just buy frozen pretzels and wrap that dough around.

The second grill night I did my morning Nordic walking to the butcher to buy sausages. Then, I created one of my most daring culinary feats yet - grilled cheese cloud ie bread/egg/cheese casserole. Long story short, I was bequeathed eggs by a Kur friend who left early and I was determined to use them.  There were a lot of skeptics, but it was so good that I'm bringing some home on the train as I type.

As we were packing, Hugo asked why we didn't extend our stay. To stay longer you have to have some real tangible goals like loosing more baby weight or recovering another week or two if you are a single parent. While we've had a rough go the last couple years, we weren't close to some of the challenges that other parents face. 

Perhaps because of that, we benefited much more than other Kur-goers. For the most part, we already knew what we needed to be doing - more movement, more calm - but we needed a place to make it happen. Parents who came here looking for real next-steps for ADHD, autism, etc did not find it. The seminars were just too basic. When I got my schedule every Sunday, I would go to the reception, tell them the books I've read about each topic, and have them take the seminars off my calendar. I then used this time to blog, find a trailer on eBay, continue reading this book.

I've been reading it on-and-off for months now. It started out really strong introducing us to our family theme song. 

I think it was safe to say, we were the happiest people there. We were also the only one parent + one kid - two kids at home with the other parent. I tried to at least keep my general joy in-check so as to not be a total jerk. The other people that were generally more satisfied were those who came with a spouse or solo with children who don't fight with each other. Maybe Paul goes next time?

These children? Fight? Nahh.

Kurs are not for everybody, but they certainly work for us.

I am Bob

How do I love you Marvel?...let me count the ways.

You got me through at least 40 days of kids being home sick.

More recently, you got me through a five-hour "first class" floor train ride with my new movie: Thunderbolts. 

Is this movie appropriate for a six-year old? No, not really. But, Carmen isn't scared of much and most of the film's substance went over her head. I don't usually watch movies more than once. However, I'll watch it again with Hugo at some point when I'm ready to answer follow-up questions for months. 

I can't think of many films that explore complex mental health/shame/regret in a "fun" way other than KPop Demon Hunters and the Inside Out movies. Without giving away too much, my favorite scene in the movie is in the after credits where we find Bob doing this.

Spoiler Alert: 

I see you Bob. To the outside world, it looks like you're not living up to your "potential" of being the Sentry. For me, I'm not maxing my educational and intellectual capacities in my current career as a mom. But, I need to sit by the window with my Frappuccino and a book instead. When someone asks me for higher level assistance I'll shout back, "I did the dishes." That's also a help and an accomplishment. 

As we well know, I'm not a superhero and I thankfully haven't experienced the majority of the trauma that we see replay in the movie. However, as my "Author Godmother" reminded me in my current fun read, "Inconsistency is how lab rats are driven over the edge."

If you haven't seen Thunderbolts, find a movie buddy, and get to it. 

2025 Quotable Quotes

By my calculations it’s officially a new year. Thus, I present last year’s quotable quotes.

January:

- Crosby: “I’m going to start caring about grades in the middle of the year.”

- Hugo upon seeing the sun: “Oh my eyes, I’m a vampire.” 

- Carmen putting on her baklava scarf: “I look like a dumpling.”

- Hugo: “I can’t have a mom with a broken purse, that’s just embarrassing.”

February:

- Paige: “Are those the same ski socks as yesterday?” Hugo: “Yes, but I didn’t move my feet yesterday.”

- Hugo: “I might freeze to death. Tell my story if I don’t make it.”

- Hugo: “I’m thankful to grow up with technology so we don’t have to use whales for electricity.” 

- Carmen: “I’ve got a cough and the bless yous.”

- Hugo after I explained turning in our marriage certificate to the government for immigration purposes: “Do you have to turn it in so daddy can pick up Kokio (fried chicken) or Tacobell for you?”

March:

- International Women’s Day 

    - Paul: “Hugo, do you know what today is?”

    - Hugo: “Girls’ Day”

    - Paul: “Sort of, but we call it International Women’s Day… “Girls” is more of a word for kids.”

    - Hugo: “But Mommy isn’t a woman. She’s a mom.”

- Paige: “Do you want me to do a presentation at your school for International Women’s Day about my work?” Hugo: “You don’t work. Oh wait, your job is keeping us alive.” 

- Carmen on why dinner is not suitable: “When I eat this food, it makes my toe itch.” 

- Bedtime with Hugo: 

    - Hugo: “What are the three worst diseases to have at the same time?” 

    - Me: “In terms of suffering or death?” 

    - Hugo: “Death.” 

    - Me: “Ebola, Pancreatic Cancer, and …” 

    - Hugo: “That disease you get from eating raw pork leg?” 

    - Me: “Sure, trichinosis.” 

- Hugo on my favorite dance movie Center Stage:

    - Hugo: “You know that movie where the two boys are fighting over the girl?”

    - Paige: “Yes.”

    - Hugo: “You could see their nuts. Their pants were too tight. They had moose knuckles. What’s a moose knuckle?” 

    - Paige: “When pants are so tight that men’s privates look like a moose’s knuckle.”

    - Hugo: “Yes, that’s it.” 

- Hugo: “I want to be a lawyer because they make a lot of money. I’d be a good lawyer because I have very good excuses.” 

- Hugo whilst playing the animal guessing game. Abuela: “It lives in a house.” Hugo: “rats, mouses, a dog?” 

- Hugo on a bike ride with Daddy: “Now I understand why people find this (bike riding) enjoyable.”

April:

- Hugo: “It’s easy not to not get a baby. Just don’t lay down naked together. Or put a sock on your nuts.” 

- Paige: “Boys who have sisters are more empathetic” Crosby:  “I don’t know what empathetic means. Is that like not pathetic?”

- Hugo while putting his sun hat on after a recent burrito rolling lesson: “This looks like a burrito that wasn’t folded right.” 

May:

- Hugo: “I found a Playmobil on the ground.” Crosby: “Is it a limited edition cigarette figure?” 

- Crosby after I gave him cake: “Are you being nice to me because you have bad news?” 

June:

- Paige: “Your siblings did no chores while you were gone.” Crosby: “Oh my gosh, you poor thing” 

- Phone conversation with Hugo: Paul: “I love you” Hugo: “Can I hang up the phone now?”

- Crosby while making a walkie talkie beep and static: “Mom, your nightmare has come true. I’ve learned how to make techno music.”

July:

- Carmen: “I can only eat, sleep, dance and hair.” 

- Crosby: “I didn’t say you were a horrible person. I said you were a horrible mom.” 

- Paige: “Let’s go for a run.” Hugo: “Let me make a sign real quick that says loser so I can put it to my back and you can look at it while you’re running behind me.”

- Carmen at a discount supermarket: “Why does this smell like the toilet?”

August

- Carmen: “Unicorns are my favorite animal because they don’t poop. They do pee though, right?” 

- Carmen: “Do you know my boyfriend? He’s a DJ.” 

- Hugo: “When we’re officially Germans, can I wear sweatpants?” 

- Hugo to my side braid hairstyle: “You need to change your hair. You look like Pippi Long-stocking with one braid missing.”

- Hugo: “People here don’t really have braces. Their teeth are kind of snaggly. That’s not a good look.”

- Paige: “Rihanna can do whatever she wants.” Carmen: “Why? Because she doesn’t have parents or anyone she has to take care of?”

- Crosby: “We’re modern art statues.” Hugo: “We need to take off our clothes because sometimes statues show their butts.”

September:

- Carmen: “Hey Siri, I hate you so hard.”

- Carmen while snuggling: “Is my foot on your penis?” Paul: “Yes” Carmen: “Well, I can’t put it anywhere else.” 

- Carmen: “I didn’t wake him up. I just touched him and he opened his eyes.”

October:

- Crosby on JS Bach: “It sounded like religious yodeling.”

- Papa to Hugo: “Thanks for coming to visit me.” Hugo: “It wasn’t my choice.” 

- Hugo to Papa about the pool boy: “Do you pay him or did he come with the house?” 

- Hugo: “I’m a businessman. I don’t do things for free.”

December:

- Hugo On Val getting married: “Are you sure? You haven’t even known him a year?”

- Hugo: “Being a kita teacher is an easy job.” Paige: “It’s really hard. It’s like parenting.” Hugo: “Parenting is an easy job.” Paige: “It’s the hardest job I’ve ever had.” Hugo: “Well, you haven’t had a lot of hard jobs then.”

Speaking of which, I need to find that guy in the gaggle of Kur kids and get him to bed.

Kur: Part Deux

Greetings from Dürmentingen, Baden-Württemberg. Haven't heard of it? You're missing out on cutting edge agricultural vending machines.

Here Hugo is holding a can of artisanal "Pulled Porc" in one hand and ice cream in the other:

One of my fellow Kur-mates asked if I was eating cat food. I mean, do you put BBQ sauce on cat food? 

The principal reason for our reason to this beautiful region in the South of Germany is for a second round of Mutter-Kind-Kur. The first Kur was specifically for me; the children were there too because we were a package deal. Four years later, we are in a different phase of parenting. Specifically, Crosby is a boss who can grocery shop, do laundry, pick-up Carmen from Kita, take her on a two-hour round trip on public transportation for an all day, weeklong tennis camp all the while sending us funny text updates like this:

Also, he has 2-3 tests every week. So missing 2.5 weeks of school would be stressful. This Kur also does homework help, but 1.5 hours a day with some help from mom is a stretch. So he opted to stay back and hold down the fort. From Paul's photo reel, he appears to be loving it managing.

Instead of using a Kur Consultant this time, I attempted to find a Kur on my own. My diligence was, at first, not rewarded as I applied in December. As Kurs typically take a few months to schedule, I figured that applying six weeks before the four-year anniversary of our last Kur would be fine. Incorrect. In January, I collected all the relevant documents a second time from my doctor and pediatrician and wrote an even longer sob letter than my original December letter. That's what you get TK. As my devoted blog readers know, we've had a bit of a rough go here; hence the Kur. 

Once we got our Kur acceptance letter in February, I started doubting my strategy. With the consultant, she pinged me with a last minute spot. Now I needed to find a Kur on my own. But, that was also kind of the point; I wanted to be able to pick a Kur that was more tailored to ADHD.  There are many options, but most of them didn't have places until December 2026 or even later.  I did some scattershot googling at the beginning, hi ADHD, but in the end my strategy was:

1. Ask my girls for prayer

2. Use the drop down menu on this Kur Finder website to specify ADHD (or behavioral therapy, etc)

3. Call each location to ask if they have a waiting list

4. Email the location with a canned email that basically said a) I can mobilize with 24 hour notice b) I'm available between now and May 13th c) look at this adorable photo of Hugo and me

Within a couple days I got an email back from Rehaklinik Schwabenland saying there might be a spot open, and then a day later confirming a last-minute opening. There was much, much less paperwork this time for which I am very grateful. Also because I kind of know the drill, the waiting for what comes next with my schedule is also more relaxed. Ideally we wouldn't need a Kur every four years, or sooner if that was even an option. But, life happens; I'm thankful that we have health insurance that helps us get the wheels back on.

Much more to come, but for now - lunch. Hang in there my friends who could all also use a Kur right about now.