Kur: Part Deux

Greetings from Dürmentingen, Baden-Württemberg. Haven't heard of it? You're missing out on cutting edge agricultural vending machines.

Here Hugo is holding a can of artisanal "Pulled Porc" in one hand and ice cream in the other:

One of my fellow Kur-mates asked if I was eating cat food. I mean, do you put BBQ sauce on cat food? 

The principal reason for our reason to this beautiful region in the South of Germany is for a second round of Mutter-Kind-Kur. The first Kur was specifically for me; the children were there too because we were a package deal. Four years later, we are in a different phase of parenting. Specifically, Crosby is a boss who can grocery shop, do laundry, pick-up Carmen from Kita, take her on a two-hour round trip on public transportation for an all day, weeklong tennis camp all the while sending us funny text updates like this:

Also, he has 2-3 tests every week. So missing 2.5 weeks of school would be stressful. This Kur also does homework help, but 1.5 hours a day with some help from mom is a stretch. So he opted to stay back and hold down the fort. From Paul's photo reel, he appears to be loving it managing.

Instead of using a Kur Consultant this time, I attempted to find a Kur on my own. My diligence was, at first, not rewarded as I applied in December. As Kurs typically take a few months to schedule, I figured that applying six weeks before the four-year anniversary of our last Kur would be fine. Incorrect. In January, I collected all the relevant documents a second time from my doctor and pediatrician and wrote an even longer sob letter than my original December letter. That's what you get TK. As my devoted blog readers know, we've had a bit of a rough go here; hence the Kur. 

Once we got our Kur acceptance letter in February, I started doubting my strategy. With the consultant, she pinged me with a last minute spot. Now I needed to find a Kur on my own. But, that was also kind of the point; I wanted to be able to pick a Kur that was more tailored to ADHD.  There are many options, but most of them didn't have places until December 2026 or even later.  I did some scattershot googling at the beginning, hi ADHD, but in the end my strategy was:

1. Ask my girls for prayer

2. Use the drop down menu on this Kur Finder website to specify ADHD (or behavioral therapy, etc)

3. Call each location to ask if they have a waiting list

4. Email the location with a canned email that basically said a) I can mobilize with 24 hour notice b) I'm available between now and May 13th c) look at this adorable photo of Hugo and me

Within a couple days I got an email back from Rehaklinik Schwabenland saying there might be a spot open, and then a day later confirming a last-minute opening. There was much, much less paperwork this time for which I am very grateful. Also because I kind of know the drill, the waiting for what comes next with my schedule is also more relaxed. Ideally we wouldn't need a Kur every four years, or sooner if that was even an option. But, life happens; I'm thankful that we have health insurance that helps us get the wheels back on.

Much more to come, but for now - lunch. Hang in there my friends who could all also use a Kur right about now.

Kur FAQs

OK, at this point my two devoted blog readers are like, "hey Paige, weren't you supposed to go away for three weeks to work on your parenting skills, and not spend the whole time blogging?" Technically yes, but I would say writing is helpful for processing. Also, if you are considering doing a Kur, and this information helps you, then you're welcome. With that last point in mind, I'm going to do a little FAQs:

I'm still confused, what is a Kur (specifically Mutter-Kind Kur)?

The idea of going to the mountains or sea to recover from illness or a rough patch is nothing new. I read somewhere, but can't seem to fact check now, that the mother-child Kur became more popular after WW2 to give war widows a much needed break. Most Kurs are 3 weeks long.

Our Kur went from a Tuesday to a Tuesday. It seems like kind of a weird time to start, but it worked well because the first short week was kind of crazy with paperwork and getting oriented. After meeting with a psychologist, doctor, and physical therapist some scheduling angels did some magic to give us a schedule for Day 4-11 and then Day 12 -22. As I mentioned before, my schedule was lighter because I skipped the parenting round tables and only exercised once a day because I needed the extra energy for these guys:

Seen here unsuccessfully catching clams. Wrong tools perhaps?

Our second attempt at catching clams was also unsuccessful but we did eat some yummy fish.

In a way it's like you have two weeks where you're in the groove. The final Monday is to meet with the administrators to give an update and feedback. I think the timing makes sense as I read about a study in Finland that showed that vacation enjoyment peaked on Day 8. I also tried to fact check that, but instead found this which reminded me yet again why we live in Europe.

Here's the most important thing you should know...there is childcare here. Most days it runs from 8:30-4:00. Some parents are here to spend more time with their kids, but I was here to work on me, so I used the Kita to its full extent. I did pick-up softball a few days early before the rest of the kids for some Kur scheduled one-on-one "interaction" time and also unofficial one-on-one time. I am so so thankful that the kids were healthy enough to go every day because otherwise it would have been tricky because almost everything is closed here in winter.

Where did you go exactly?

Zingst is a little town on the Baltic Sea, 3.5 hours drive from Berlin, that every German I know has been to at least once. However, none of them or anyone else is here in winter, especially a corona winter. Their claim to fame is this cool water observation thing that goes down in the water and looks cool when out of the water.

It was closed because confined spaces = not smart. But, I walked out to check it out without the kids because it was windy and those gaps in the railing are big.

The Kur was about 300 meters/yards from the beach and 1.5 km/ 1 mile from the "city center".

Ok, so your health insurance sent you on vacation?

Yes and No. Yes because childcare is provided. If you need to relax, you need childcare. Also, the childcare is top notch here, they have so many kids every three weeks but manage to keep kids happy. Also, the school age kids have homework help for 1.5 hours a day. I'll be catching Crosby up with his missed assignments when we're back in Berlin while he's quarantining in our friend Val's apartment during his winter break. (Unfortunately, we didn't get that second vaccine in time to skip the AZ and Berlin quarantine.) But no it's not vacation, in that we came here with the purpose of me getting my whits about me (see previous posts).

How is the food?

Good. We had a designated table and meal times to keep the crowds down at the buffets. The kids had to wait at the tables while the parents got food to "avoid little fingers in the liverwurst". We got a cozy little booth.

Yes, we are the only people who have at least one kid on our laps at every meal. We take our snuggles where we can get them.

Because a lot of folks are trying to get "healthier", there was always a salad bar. Because it's Germany, there were always cold cuts for breakfast and dinner. Dinner was "Abendbrot" which means basically bread with meat and cheese. Sometimes the Kitchen would add a soup or sausages but in general PB^2 were still hungry afterwards. Lunch was a hot meal - an adult omnivore version of Kita food. Also, lots of fish which was thematic and delicious. There was sometimes dessert, especially cake on Sunday lunch with to-go plates for afternoon coffee and cake. 

Chocolate pudding = always good. It is even better when I did nothing to prepare it or clean-up after.

How are the accommodations? 

Because we have a "big" family, we got a sweet set-up with one bunk room, one parent room, and TWO bathrooms. During non-corona times there are shared kitchens and some common spaces, but alas we were mostly in our rooms or outside when not doing Kur activities. The cleaning ladies are on point, its cleaner than many "nice" hotels we've stayed in. The Kur director said they got a big grant to upgrade the buildings but corona has made that tricky.

The packing list suggested bringing pillows, but our car did not allow. Wow, if someone says maybe you should bring a pillow - bring a pillow. These bags of cotton balls took what could be a 4 star (maybe generous) to a 3. But hey, not a vacation right? 

Who can come with you?

This Kur allowed you to bring an adult to accompany you. I would say the make-up was 1/5 parents with their twins, 1/5 one parent with twins, 1/5 two parents with kids, 1/5 one parent with an only child, and 1/5 one parent with one child (the other children stayed at home with a partner). It was really nice to have Paul here at the beginning but thankfully we also had people we could hang with once he left.

Hugo's highlight: Pizza party adventure with his Kur Kita friend Paul (who I think looks like my Paul as a kid)

What were the corona rules?

We had to get a PCR test 48 hours before arrival and quarantine overnight until we got the results in the morning. We had to take a rapid test before leaving our house to drive here, and then another rapid test once we arrived. Ten days in we all had appointments at the "nurses station" for corona tests. Every morning we would get our temperature tested and get our new mask, and throw away our old, for the day. The masks were the standard medical mask which aren't as safe as a KN95 but you can also breath while exercising.

When can you do it again?

You can apply for a Kur every four years. If you have two German speaking parents you could just accompany the other person and do it every two. But, if you don't speak German, this would be of much less value, even though they have brochures here about the facility in other languages. 

How do I sign-up?

I first went to my doctor who then sent me to a Kur consultant. The consultant gave me some paperwork to fill out (shocker) that described why we wanted to go on a Kur. I then gave this paperwork to our GP (because he didn't really know us that well so it was helpful context). We met with the GP to get blood work and then he gave us a "prescription". We then submitted the completed application and prescription to our Kur consultant who sent it to our insurance. 

A few weeks later we got a letter in the mail from our health insurance saying my application was approved by Paul's was denied. (Which worked out just fine in the end.) I poked around on the internet looking at Kur locations but in the end we just jumped on this one when our Kur consultant called us. The whole process took three months because we had a lot going on and I'm a very slow essay writer in German.

How do I know if a Kur is right for me?

How could it not be right for you? I think on every application you could just write "Surviving Corona" and everyone knows we all need a break.

Kur

In fall of 2019, I had a conversation with a friend that went like this:

Nicole: "Sorry we won't see you for awhile, I am taking the kids with me on a three-week Kur."

Me: Consulting my dictionary - Leo is the best - Kur = Cure. "Cure?"

Nicole: "It's usually a three-week program, paid for by health insurance, to help parents who have burn-out, stress, or need extra support. The kids will be in school and kita at the Kur while I will be getting fresh air and taking lavender baths."

Me: "Are you ok?"

Nicole: "Yes, it's preventative."

Me: "Are you sure you're ok?"

I thought to myself, "Wow, that's great. But three weeks away from Paul would not be restorative." 

Fast forward to now, and this is how fast I was driving to our Kur.

187 km/hour = 116 mph

You don't have to be too deep in my inner circle to know a couple things have changed since 2021. This mama is no longer in the, "Kur as prevention" but more like "Kur as intervention" camp. Thankfully with the help of a Kur consultant, we were able to find a place that would allow to Paul come along to help. We even got a discount for having three or more kids. It would be 1200 Euros/$1370 for Paul if we had 1-2 kids, but 600 Euros/$685 because we have three. Some places we looked even let you bring another adult for free if you had more than four kids.

Paul took a lot of photos of the kids in the back of the car because we thought they were adorable. But all our friends in the US are probably like, "yeah, that's what our life looks like everyday."

Carmen slept the entire 3.25 hours to Zingst on the Baltic Sea north of Berlin.

Crosby enjoyed showing Hugo how to use his water-wow (coloring book that uses water instead of markers).

The sticker-by-numbers sticker book. (Thanks for the recommendation Anna.)

Crosby was the last man standing. Our last road trip in the states we listened to The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe. We couldn't get the next book in the series at the library or in English on audible so we're getting into this Spy Series.

Our clinic had this spot open up six days before check-in. As such, it wasn't possible for Paul to completely clear his work schedule. But, he was able to rearrange his meetings to join for meals and our time-slots to use the pool. He also already had some scheduled time off as he was supposed to be at a reunion with his college friends this weekend. Sniff. I asked him to make the plan for our free Saturday and he found this gem.

Forest strip with rascals = Kind of like Vegas strip with college friends?

Sadly this epic slide wasn't open. But, cold weather = no crowds. So I'll take it. These tree top walks are the jam. Speaking of which, we had to stop at another one of our favorite spots along the way for Crosby to get a Corona test before we could go to any public places - restaurants, nature walks, etc.

Corona test for Crosby - check. Hugo in his happy place at Karl's Strawberry Farm - check

The major win of the day were these slushies AKA "A little piece of Tropical Islands". The plan for Crosby's upcoming birthday was for him to head to a water park with Grandpa and Abuela while I was in Sacramento for Connor and Ashley's wedding but alas, Omicron foiled those plans. PB^2 with the help of Grandparents are trying to find ways to make Crosby's birthday still feel special. A little taste of Tropical Islands helps. Paul got the worst brain freeze of his life - again, just trying to bring a little Vegas to Germany.

I've finally finished all the mountains of paperwork and I have my schedule for next week to work on my mama skills. I'll have some exercise classes, some observation sessions with one little Biggs, a massage, as well as some free time to really work through this book and gather strength for the big and small challenges ahead. I'll circle back with a recap in February. 

Honeymoon Re-do

Paul’s and my three-week honeymoon was a bit of a bust. It was the first time I’d paid for a travel planner. The company we used likely wasn’t a scam; I think they just weren’t good at their jobs. Let’s just say I was already dissatisfied well before Paul and I were stopped at gun point in our “private transfer van” with ten locals.

This 18 “moment” meal for under $100 USD including drinks helped me manage my disappointment. 

However, I learned a valuable lesson. When I pay a bunch of money for something, I have high expectations. Accordingly, my expectations were relatively low when paying 220 Euros/260 USD (essentially a 10 Euro/day co-pay) for three weeks of room, meals, childcare, and a therapy plan. Success was defined as being able to sleep at night, opt out of therapy that doesn't serve me (like seminars on basic nutrition), and to convince Hugo to go to the Farm School. Very gratefully, my expectations were wildly exceeded. 

First of all, Baden-Württenburg is just so nice. The scenery is pretty, the people are friendly, and being able to ride for hours without a single stop light is just deluxe. 

Just don't trust google maps. Riding through this grass was the recommended route.

Ba-wü, as the cool kids call it, was just the place to reignite the spark with Hugo. Is there a more perfect day than riding 11 km/ 7 miles to this bike parkour...

...drinking an iced coffee

...and then going back for more laps?

Perhaps the biggest takeaway from our time together is that both Hugo and I need more exercise. If there was a drug that would give me calm focus, I would take it. I started my third attempt at finding a medication that works a couple weeks before the Kur. After six weeks, Strattera just made me tired instead of focused. And so I'm back to exercise as medication.* 

*Baby dose of 4-6 hour acting Ritalin helps me focus on boring tasks - like clearing off my desk. One morning a week when kids aren't around will be Ritalin morning. When the kids are around I just get irritated that they can't stay on task now that I can. ha! 

Just getting exercise in the morning isn’t enough. During the week I’ll do strength training with Paul in the morning. In the afternoon, I’ll be spending more time on my analog bike thanks to my most recent eBay score.

I'll be mounting this made in Eugene, OR Burley Piccolo for single kid school/kita pick-ups.

I also have a letter of medical necessity for a trampoline on our terrace in my hot little hand. No property manager wants a trampoline on property. But you know what I don’t want on site? The crazies.

This honeymoon was of course missing sex, I mean Paul. But I did finish this book with Hugo. I tried to read What's the Big Deal? with Crosby last year, and it created too much conflict. He already “knew” a lot of the material and thus viewed me reading the book aloud to him as a form of torture. As Hugo is on the younger end of target audience, he was still resistant but curious. The deal was he could do his second-dinner routine, but he would have to listen to me read while eating.  

He couldn’t help but ask 4,000 questions especially when I redacted the more conservative parts of the book. (ie “My hope for you is that you love Jesus; who you love romantically is not the big picture conversation.”) I told him he’s likely the only eight year-old with a basic understanding of the mechanics of homosexual sex. As such, please do like we do with Santa and keep it to yourself. If your kid suddenly has this knowledge it came from me, sorry not sorry. I’ll let and you take the conversation from there. 

There were a couple chapters with new topics for Crosby that I’ll be reading with him soon. We have ongoing conversations about appropriate touch and unethical adult behavior (thanks Epstein files). However, I haven’t broken down some of the more relevant information around sexual abuse and pornography. Smart kids are safe(r) kids.  

Hugo rekindled his love of swimming at the Kur. I tried to embed a photo of him doing a front summersault into the pool next to a no cannon ball photo, but blogger would not comply. We went to the pool most days and managed not to break the sauna despite putting water on it the first couple days before figuring out it was electric. 

Just like me figuring out that not everybody is an extrovert, I also noted there are a lot of people for whom Kurs aren't a great fit. A Kur is out if your kids won't willingly go to childcare/school with people whom they just met. You'll be stuck in the middle of nowhere with bread and coldcuts for breakfast and dinner. 

Side note: The food was perhaps a bit worse than the last Kur. However, my pre-Kur trip to the Mexican and Asian stores in Berlin supplemented the dirge of protein. Naturally, I also brought my handy silicone containers to package any extras from lunch. 

The real win was renting the communal fire pit for two nights. The first grill night I bought pizza dough, put some refried beans in, and called them "Mexican Empanadas". I also got s'mores ingredients because I'm not a monster. Other families joined in and brought delicious items.  

Also, I got the pro-tip from one mom that instead of making Stock Brot "stick bread" dough, just buy frozen pretzels and wrap that dough around.

The second grill night I did my morning Nordic walking to the butcher to buy sausages. Then, I created one of my most daring culinary feats yet - grilled cheese cloud ie bread/egg/cheese casserole. Long story short, I was bequeathed eggs by a Kur friend who left early and I was determined to use them.  There were a lot of skeptics, but it was so good that I'm bringing some home on the train as I type.

As we were packing, Hugo asked why we didn't extend our stay. To stay longer you have to have some real tangible goals like loosing more baby weight or recovering another week or two if you are a single parent. While we've had a rough go the last couple years, we weren't close to some of the challenges that other parents face. 

Perhaps because of that, we benefited much more than other Kur-goers. For the most part, we already knew what we needed to be doing - more movement, more calm - but we needed a place to make it happen. Parents who came here looking for real next-steps for ADHD, autism, etc did not find it. The seminars were just too basic. When I got my schedule every Sunday, I would go to the reception, tell them the books I've read about each topic, and have them take the seminars off my calendar. I then used this time to blog, find a trailer on eBay, continue reading this book.

I've been reading it on-and-off for months now. It started out really strong introducing us to our family theme song. 

I think it was safe to say, we were the happiest people there. We were also the only one parent + one kid - two kids at home with the other parent. I tried to at least keep my general joy in-check so as to not be a total jerk. The other people that were generally more satisfied were those who came with a spouse or solo with children who don't fight with each other. Maybe Paul goes next time?

These children? Fight? Nahh.

Kurs are not for everybody, but they certainly work for us.

Kur Manifesto

In the last blog, I mentioned wanting time to think during the Kur. Specifically, I was wondering if I would have any "Aha" moments. Our beloved Kita teacher, Miss Melanie, went on a Kur and it laid the foundation for her finding another position at a Kita closer to her home. It was a sad day for our Kita, but a great win that her everyday life is hopefully more manageable. 

The big question PB^2 is always thinking about is "when will we move home?" (The follow-up question being "where is home?") This last time we went "home" we felt the pull so much that we thought we'd move back this summer and even sold our house in Portland (closing today!). But, not even a couple weeks back in Berlin, we were lulled into the comforts of European life, specifically very subsidized childcare. Which brings me to my current thinking which of course can change - like that time we decided to only have two kids and then after moving to Germany decided to go back to the original plan of three. Or that time Trump got elected giving us a not-so-gentle nudge to accelerate our plans for living abroad. Or that time Corona virus changed, ahem, continues to disrupt our lives. The list goes on. In any case, this Kur helped me realize that it likely makes sense for us to stay in Berlin until Carmen is school age. Why? Because when the kids aren't in school/Kita, it's a lot of work for me. 

Ok, this is the point when I should insert a bunch of caveats and ask everyone (including myself) not to judge each other.  Without listing all the awesomeness, suffice to say I recognize my life is cake comparatively. When I say parenting is hard work, what I mean is a lot of my parenting experience thus far is analogous to early potty training. Early is 2022 early = before 2 years old, not 1950 early = 18 months. As a reference and without naming any names - I'll just use go German here and pretend that kids are the 'das' article (not feminine of masculine) for anonymity - , we had one kid who basically potty trained itself, one kid who more or less followed a plan, and one kid who made me question my will to live. People have all sorts of feelings on the subject, but at the end of the day, in two out of three cases, the process was longer, harder, and more labor intensive because we did it early. But, the kids gained confidence, the world has fewer diapers in the landfill, and I got a break from all of the cloth diaper washing. 

So in summary, my style of parenting will often be more labor intensive and time consuming but at the end of the day, hopefully, the kids will be more self reliant and flexible. I can't make that next claim to say that Paul's and my life will be better because we all know that kids will make their own decisions no matter how intentional the parenting. That's a good segue to the other advantage to staying in Germany longer is I could potentially do another degree here for free. After more than ten years out of the game, I'll likely need to just change gears to finding something that could work part-time so I'm not too much in the kids' business when they are older. 

At the risk of setting the bar too high, I also realized that I have more parenting I should be doing. As a point in clarification, in this case is with an eye towards family harmony, not towards adding some extra curricular activity. I still fall into the trap of rushing around. This became especially apparent when I took the two little littles to a drugstore to pick a couple things here in this small town of Zingst. In Berlin, it's always a sh%t show but it's kind of ok because Berlin is chaotic already. In off season Zingst, it became clear to me just how loud the kids are. I was at a point a couple weeks ago where I was thinking maybe the solution was really not taking them anywhere - being one of those parents who shops while the kids are at school instead of with them. But, I also think that kids need to learn how to be bored and do mundane things. Per usual, the solution requires more work for me but hopefully is worth it. Proposed shopping solution:

1. Never go anywhere without ample time. Carmen might want to dress herself, add 20 minutes.
2. The kids need an intro to any situation where I have expectations. Example: We are going to Rossmann. We are going to pick-up dish soap, poofies, and pens. I want one of you to grab the little cart and one of you hold my hand. We stay close together, and we use quiet voices. 

Will my renewed commitment to giving more context of expectations return better results? Who knows? But I have to at least try. Before you think I'm leaning in too much, I'm still not worrying about a lot of things. For example, I'm not fighting my kids to put on or take off jackets depending on the temperature or location. I'll save my energy and let natural consequences take it from there. 

A final Aha moment is that I miss dancing. I've been doing a bunch of back and posture classes here at the Kur which mostly remind me that any movement is good. Also, Carmen is likely missing dance, as she keeps randomly yelling for Alexa when we're out and about. Let's see if some easy kid/parent dance opportunity comes our way.

I intentionally posted this without pictures to hide the bomb shell revelations. Let's see who reads it. ;)

Family Movie Favorites (updated)

Feb 3, 2022

So, I had to take this blog down because on the very last (20th) document of the Kur paperwork it said if you had been in quarantine within the last 14 days then you couldn't come. We were arriving on day 12 with a negative PCR test which meant ZERO risk to anyone else. The good news was that because I realized the Kur's rules are crazy strict I decided to keep the kids out the school for the Monday while waiting for the PCR test before our Tuesday check-in at the Kur. This proved to be a win because sure enough, that very Friday, the teacher and a bunch of kids in Crosby's class tested positive. Because Cros hadn't been there in a week, he was totally clear. Phew.

The PCR protocol described below is how it was around New Years. Now there are so many cases in Berlin (including one last week in the kids' Kita) that I think the PCR test is no longer necessary to confirm a case. I'll let you know when we (likely) get Omicron. Honestly, hopefully sooner rather than later while I'm calm from the Kur and then we can safely make Spring break plans. Just jump down below for the links if you're looking for the movie recs. 

Jan 2, 2022

Alternative working title: Quarantining in the New Year

We had close contact with a friend on Tuesday and Wednesday who tested PCR positive for Covid on Thursday. We'd already decided not to have any contact with any unvaccinated people during the break (ie other children). Our friend seemed like a safe bet as she already had Covid in May, before she could get a vaccine, and then got her two jabs in September. 

I'm not going to lie though, my first reaction was excitement at the prospect of potentially getting this omicron business over with. The pros:

 - Having immunity so we could fly or cross boarders without concern over a quarantine.  

- Not having the guilt of shutting down the Kita or School as we got it during the break (also missing fewer days of school). 

- Not having to have Crosby tested every time we go to dinner or take public transportation.

The current guidelines from the ministry of health is that after close contact with someone with confirmed Covid that unvaccinated people (ie our kids) need to quarantine for five days, PCR test on day five, or rapid test out on day seven. I'd been reading about omicron incubation peaks sooner, and figured the testing center wouldn't be busy on New Years' Day, so we rode over right when it opened on Day 3/4 after contact.

In Germany, anyone with a Red "Increased Risk" Corona Warm App can be PCR tested for free at the state run testing centers:

The kids don't apply, but were eligible for free PCR testing if they had a positive rapid test. So, we got the kids swabbed, walked around for 15 minutes, and found the results that Carmen and Crosby tested positive. A very nice clinician also let us PCR test Hugo figuring that he just wasn't testing positive yet.

Fast forward 30 hours later when all of our PCR tests came back negative. AND, Crosby woke up with a fever and Paul also wasn't feeling hot but their rapid tests are negative. So, we've heard from people that sometimes the PCR tests didn't go deep enough in our throats (but man, it was one step away from the gag reflex). But the whole thing is very weird. We'll do a rapid test on Wednesday, and if it's negative then the kids can go to school (if it's still open).

Anywho, that epic explanation was the intro into one of our favorite family activities when we can't leave the house. My definition of family movie means that both adults and kids will be entertained. By that definition, you won't find any of the classic Disney movies from the 80s as the jokes intended for adults appear to be more of a recent trend. Also not on my list - the classic preschooler favorites - Paw Patrol and Frozen. Without further ado:

1. Soul  - We watched this one last Christmas time with our neighbor Val. It will make you cry, it will make you think, and it will make you laugh. 

2. The Lego Movies - The Lego Movie, Lego Batman, and Ninjago are comedic gold.

3. Up - You'll cry in the first five minutes and then you'll laugh the rest of the movie.

4. Baby Boss - This had to make the list because "Boss Baby" was Hugo's nickname when he was still on the inside. We named him Hugo in part because of Hugo Boss.

5. Storks - This movie might also make you cry a bit, but mostly laugh.

6. Sing - The music is so great. We are always checking to see when Sing 2 will be released to video. 

7 Coco - This is such a sweet movie, especially for kids who've lost a grandparent. Also, the movie has some of my favorite things - Mexican culture, Gabriel Gael Bernal, and a sound track so good that a bunch of the songs made my Spotify labor play list for Carmen.

8. The Book of Life - This movie was maybe a little overshadowed by Coco as it came out around the same time and also is about the day of the dead. But, we thought it was still fun.

9. The Madagascar Movies - We just watched the Penguins of Madagascar last night - did not disappoint. I think there were even more funny moments that we missed because Carmen kept on pointing at the screen and saying "look".

10. Cars - I found Cars 2 especially funny when I watched it with my nephew Oliver 10+ years ago. I haven't seen the third, but Paul and Crosby saw it in the theater and liked it.

11. Hotel Transylvania Movies - I went to see the third Transylvania movie in the theater here in Berlin because it was 100 F/40 C and I (wrongly) assumed that theaters are air conditioned in Germany. But, the DJ battle made it all worth it. We haven't seen the forth...yet. 

12. Luca - Spunky characters and all your favorite Italian stereotypes.

13. Trolls - I loved trolls as a kid so I needed to see this movie. It was such a fun movie and then while watching the credits we saw the story was by one of Paul's college friends.

Christmas Movies:

I. The Star - the story of the first Christmas through the animals who were there. Not a lot of jokes, but the music is good and of course a great story. 

II. Klaus- a clever movie with lots of jokes for adults and a happy ending.  

Artsy Movies - just like foreign films for adults - you need to be ready for them:

Un. Song of the Sea - This movie will make you cry and want to visit Ireland. 

Deux. Ponyo - A silly magical japanimation. 

Our next movie:

Encanto - We were supposed to watch this with a friend on Wednesday but cancelled because we needed to isolate. But, hopefully a movie night will be in our future.

As we have a couple of sensitive little boys, there have been a couple movies that likely worked for most families but didn't for ours:

Toy Story 4 - We had to literally leave the theater. The other Toy Stories were ok, but as they start in the 90s, they don't have as many jokes for adults. 

Zootopia - There were too many scary surprises/ dark themes in this movie for our crew. The humor was otherwise on point, however.

Our other quarantine actives include but are not limited to:

Making Pizza with homemade dough from our neighbor Nele. Nele, who was in quarantine three times last month with her kids, knows all the survival tips and rules. 

New Years Eve Dance Party with Artsy Photos by Daddy. Glow sticks courtesy of Nele.

"Exercise"

Using up random ingredients from our pantry. The boys didn't love mango sauce from mango chicken the night before so I called it the pumpkin and milk in this recipe.

Post fever bath.

Team Sleeping. Carmen just transitioned back into the boys' room into a big girl bed aka taking off one side of the crib. Last night I peeked in to see the boys and found she joined the fun. Speaking of which, my bed is calling...

Mutter-Kind Kur Modos

The positive side to all of the paperwork before coming here is that I had a lot of time to really hone my goals for my three weeks here. 

Exhibit A: Screen shot of all the documents I filled out in six days notice. Just keeping the blog spicy.

The officially stated goals were:

1. Gain better anger management skills
2. Improve connection with my little explosive child
3. Less tension in my body

My schedule for the first two days was two introductory group orientations and then one-on-one meetings with a physical therapist, psychologist, and doctor to figure out a plan for the next week. I showed up to a lot of these meetings unprepared (whoops) because I missed that there was more paperwork I needed to do before each meeting. Seriously. After living in Germany for four years, I probably should have known better. Nevertheless, the running around helped me hone my plan of attack:

1. Maximum two things a day (one exercise, one mental)
2. Maximize PB^2 Time
3. Read parenting book, Bible, and Laurel's book

The Kur does have the possibility to do always do more - discussion groups, art therapy, deep muscle relaxation courses, etc. I gave one parenting movie and deep breathing course a go on last Monday, but they confirmed what I really want is less running around and more time to think. Also, while my German language skills improved through the initial process of submitting the application (screen shot of those applications not included, you're welcome), group conversations are still hard (and masks don't help). 

This week's schedule got a big change when we found out Paul's dad's knee replacement is having major issues and he was back in the hospital. Because I have help here, and Crosby is already out of school, we decided to send Crosby and Paul to Arizona for the week. We hatched the plan Friday, Cros and Paul were on a train to Berlin on Saturday, and then Sunday they flew to Phoenix. With the time change I don't really have an update on how Paul's dad is doing, but our prayers for traveling mercies for Paul and Crosby thus far have been answered.

6:35 am flight to London. Just one connection in Europe = all passengers have negative covid tests or are vaccinated before travel.

While we're sad to see Paul and Crosby go, we're making the most of our now "traditional" Kur experience - just Mom and not all the kids. Our new goals: 

1. Survival

Jokes. I'm still taking it easy and trying not to plan too much, with the exception of adding more post-Kita arts and crafts. As I've mentioned before, I am the kind of mom who gets down and plays on the ground with my kids. I teach them practical stuff and we chat, but crafting is not my forte. However, just like your marriage counselor will tell couples to go on a date and rekindle the passion, I think the time of having fun together without the stress of dinner or cleaning is good for our relationship. 

Crosby is so good at crafts he can do it by feel. 

Speaking of Crosby, this happened eight years ago: 

We did a little family celebration at a different Karl's Strawberry Farm before dropping Crosby and Paul at the train station on Saturday:

I believe this Karl's is the original/biggest. Ice skating was a hit as were the ice sculptures (too dark for pictures). 

Carmen, Hugo, and I celebrated Cros' birthday by eating his cake for him:

I promise I told the Kur he wouldn't be here. I did save the present for him though.

The next week will likely be filled with more of this:

And hopefully, this:

In their own beds...past 5:30 am...pretty please.

Real Talk: Mini Kur

The question of the week: “Why didn’t all five of you travel to Spain together?” 

I’ve given some quick answers but here is the real story.

Disclaimer and Spoiler Alert: The following post includes a lot of “penthouse problems” as they say in German.

My original vision for this Fall anniversary trip was a two-week splurge at a nice resort in Greece. For a trip to be a vacation it needs the following components:

• Childcare

Ok, I guess the list stops there. Not cooking, no car rental, and having lots of things to do close by are perks. But really, it’s all about the childcare.

My geography plan shifted a bit when we found out some friends would be living in Malaga for the year. Additionally, I thought Spain would be more affordable as we are trying to save for Paul taking time off work to learn German. I booked round trip tickets to Madrid for around 1000 Euros. My plan was to train to a hotel with childcare and then to our friends in Malaga.

After hours of research, I found that virtually every hotel offering childcare starts at four years-old and up. Additionally, we couldn’t find a single hotel that could accommodate five in one room or apartment. I also didn’t have much luck finding a water park type hotel as there are no heated pools past September. 

I put together a plan B itinerary through Madrid and Cordoba. But honestly, I wasn’t very excited about it. I did more research to see if we could affordably bring our beloved babysitter. No dice. It all comes down to this truth, travel with kids feels like a business trip to me. Maybe I get to see some cool things, but at the end of the day, I am there working. Also, traveling is a lot harder than being at home. 

Meanwhile, our plans kept on changing. I had to rebook train tickets and airbnbs three different times. On the last change, I told Paul, “I don’t want to go.” Honestly, I would rather just stay home than rebook this one more time.  It was especially sad to jump ship on our anniversary trip, but I was pretty well done.

After staring blankly off into the distance for about an hour while “awfulising”, as my therapist calls it, I remembered that I once found mid-week cheap tickets to Malaga. And voila, a new plan was born. Paige and Carmen would stay back for three more days, and the boys would train around Madrid and Malaga. I already flew once with the boys by myself to Madrid in 2019, so now Paul could see the city with them.

Hugo's first visit to Madrid's Plaza de Oriente.

I stupidly planned on just doing my “work” etc while the boys were in Spain but then remembered that I really should be taking this time to rest. Because, as we know, I still have a ten day business trip coming up. So, I did a mini Kur.  The key to my Kur is:

1. Reliable childcare
2. Exercise each day
3. No cooking
4. More blogging
5. More sleeping
6.  
   Cake

Thus far I’ve checked out the church we’ll likely attend once Paul speaks more German. I’ve gone to two yoga classes. I’ve dined with three friends. Tomorrow I am going to a sauna with a friend while Carmen is in Kita. I could happily stay here another week enjoying the Kita childcare. But, duty calls.