Book Report: Know My Name

Per is my now usual - I bring you another book report/recommendation on a book I haven't finished.

I can't property describe this book. I've tried to explain to Paul and to other friends but don't know where to start. While lying in bed tonight, I had an idea of why I can not get this book out of my head. It's a concept I'll call the "Horrible Slot Machine".

The basic idea is that I can easily recall three situations at the same stage of my life as the author's, that could have added up to her story.

Situation 1: The post-graduation Ivy frat party

Towards the end of one week during my post-college internship in DC my cousin, Beckley, called to invite me to visit him in Philadelphia for family weekend at UPenn. His parents would be unable to join, and with his fraternity having an 80s party, it would be a fun Saturday to visit.

As I do, I showed-up wearing a New Kids on the Block t-shirt and bright purple Roos to learn that our first order of business would be dinner with his friends and their parents at the Ritz Carlton. #underdressed #borrowedcocktaildress 

After a nice dinner we headed back to his fraternity for the party. I don't remember a lot from the night other than the band was fun and I felt like a total dork. I was still 22, so I was in the age range of party goers, but I still felt totally out of place. I can't imagine I had more than a beer or two before I snuck back to Beckley's room to fall asleep.

I attempted to find a photo of my time in Philly, but it turns out I only have ten photos total of my Autumn on the East Coast. This NYC photo seemed fitting as Laurel went to Stanford where much of the book takes place.  

Situation 2: The accidental over consumption

Not surprising to anyone who knows me, I've never been a drinker. My basic personal objection is I find it annoying when people can only talk about their "real feelings" when they are drunk. The fact that I love dancing is the only thing that's kept me from having the complete appearance of someone who doesn't know how to have fun. With that introduction, there have been two times I have had too much too drink, both because of mis-calculations. 

Rum + Coke + Broke + NYE = Bringing Plastic Bottle in purse to bar 

Not big enough dinner + Purse Cocktail + Next Morning = Decide to buy a one way ticket to Mexico (ok that last life decision worked out ok)

Sushi + Sake + Bar Hoping + Altitude = The only time I've barfed not from illness.

Situation 3: The Worst Airplane Ride Ever

In the fall of 2009 I bought the JetBlue Unlimited Travel Pass. For something like $600 I could travel anywhere JetBlue flew (including international destinations if I paid the tax). I'd like to think my photography has improved since then, but let's be honest I just married up.

In any case, on my very last flight from SoCal to PDX I sat next to this man who would not stop touching me - holding my hand, putting his hand on my thigh, and trying to talk to me. I was, and am, a strong, assertive woman but I could not find the words to tell this guy to knock it off or ask a flight attendant for help. I was shocked by how powerless I could feel.

In conclusion, I know everyone comes to my blog for Hugo shenanigans:

Who knows what he's trying to reach.

Post-bath climb to eat sprigs of Rosemary. #littlegoat

Soggy nap

 but sometimes, you get a little piece of the Momma's mind too.

Audiobook DJ

Confession: I didn't like reading as a kid. 

I spent a lot of time doing this. 

Thankfully, as an adult I discovered a love of audio books. I usually listen while doing mundane tasks like laundry or dishes when the kids are in bed and Paul is working. In my previous life, I powered through a lot of books on I5 between Eugene and Seattle. Similar to my clothes m.o. where I first check the second hand option before buying new.  I first check the PDX library to download to my phone. If a book is not available, I buy it on audible.

I'm often sending audio book suggestions to friends who find themselves in different situations where audio books would be a comfort - pregnancy bedrest, long commutes, etc. Recently I've caught up with two friends with long commutes, and so I give you, a very incomplete list of great audiobooks.

When you're going to be in the car awhile

The Boys in the Boat - I was just telling my friend Neysa how I do not understand how this isn't a movie yet. The story of the 1936 olympic gold winning university of Washington crew boat. You'll love the NW description and the 1936 Olympic background is very interesting.

Unbroken - This one starts with the 1936 Olympics but the story of redemption and radical forgiveness towards the end is what I find most inspiring. The middle part, which I believe most of the Angelina Jolie movie is about, is brutal. 

When you need a good laugh

Bossypants - I always loved Tina Fey and this short book made me love her even more.

The Rosie Project - The character descriptions in this book from the point of view of a narrator on the autism spectrum are just amazing. It's also narrated by an Aussie, which is a plus. (I don't know why I can't get a sample link to Audible. Sorry!)

Where'd you go, Bernadette - I heard about this book from a friend who's husband read her parts of it while she was in labor. It is that good. There is some Seattle bashing, but I found it funny.

Born a Crime - Not knowing much about Trevor Noah other than he's funny, this book was fascinating. It was nice to hear him tell his own story and provide fascinating historical perspective on his South African childhood. 

When you need a civics lesson

Giant of the Senate - Al Franken has a great story to tell even if his senate experience ended negatively. The background, especially when he breaks down things like our health care system, is interesting and engaging. 

Homegoing - At first glance, I think some people would find this topic too heavy to want to read. But her writing is absolute genius. I learned things about slavery and being black in America in this book that I should have learned in public school.

Coming Home - It's possible that folks stateside already know the details of Brittney Griner's wrongful imprisonment in Russia. But if you missed it, this book will fill in the gaps and then some.

When you want romance (AKA keeping it classy)

100 Summers - If you're going to be trashy, you might as well do it right. Beatriz Williams reminds me of what you think of a Stanford grad - she can do all the things, and she does them well. 

The Wedding Party - I saw this book on my friend Maggie's insta. She reads more than any person I know.  I thought - "Yes, I should be reading more BIPOC authors and I also just want to zone out." This one is spicy.

When you want to travel but that's not an option at the moment

The Geography of Bliss - A self-proclaimed grump travels the world in search of "happiness". This is a must read if Iceland, Qatar, Bhutan, or Moldova are on your travel list. This book has a special place in my heart as I listened to it while painting our PDX baby room.

Cutting for Stone - This book is heavy and complex with the backdrop of a medical mission in Ethiopia. I loved it even more in retrospect because the author wrote the intro to my favorite book (below)...

When you're ready to go deep (AKA the suggestions that most people don't read but I suggest them anyway)

When Breath Becomes Air - This book is so honest and crushing. I fell in love with this book before I even knew he was friends with my favorite Dad friend (hi again Dudu!). The narrator is the same as Cutting for Stone which was also soothing.

The Bright Hour - honestly, I had a little trouble getting into this book because it's a similar theme to When Breath Becomes Air and I liked that book so much. But the Bright Hour is also beautiful.

Being Mortal - My mom's oncologist recommended this book when she got the final terminal diagnosis. This was exactly the kind of book that she would hate (accepting the limitations of life) and the kind of book I love (practical and realistic).

Know my Name - Chanel Miller is such a boss. Please someone read this so we can talk about it. These were my thoughts.

Radical Love - This heartfelt memoir of Zachary Levi's mental health journey is a must read for anyone walking along someone with mental health struggles. Buckle up because you're in for a roller coaster ride of emotions. Full report here.

When you need some parenting inspiration 

My Beloved World - I include this book in" parenting inspiration"  because Sonia Sotomayor's mom did something amazing with the cards she was dealt. This beautiful autobiography is narrated by the talented Rita Moreno.

Anything by Wendy Mogel - I loved Blessings of a Skinned Knee and her book Voice Lessons for Parents was also great. I look forward to reading the Blessings of a B- in the teen years.

Boys Adrift - one of my favorite parts of this book is when he talks about how the German system is better for boys - more doing and experiences and less sitting in a classroom.

When you need to entertain your kids on a road trip

The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe - I love C.S. Lewis' Christian writings and to see Crosby get into  C.S. Lewis' writing for kids was such a gift of our road trip around Oregon and Washington this summer.

When you're ready to go to church

The Red Tent - ok confession, I actually just read this book a looong time ago. But the pastor of our church in Berlin listened to the audio and also found it fascinating. Sometimes it's hard to keep all the Old Testament folks straight, but you'll remember Jacob, Laban, Rachel, and Leah after this book. 

What is the Bible? - I've read some of Rob Bell's other books and thought he had some good things to say, but thought in recent years he was getting a little too pop culture. But, when my friend Liz recommended this one, she was right - it's good stuff. Funny and engaging. 

Ruthless Elimination of Hurry - The full report is here. I'm still working on this hurry business.

Anything by Kate Bowler, the late Rachel Held Evans, Anne Lamott, or Donald Miller. Amazing thinkers.

When you're sleepy

Ecclesiastes by Street Lights - Ok, did you really just say the Bible is what you use to put you to sleep? It's very soothing, ok? Street lights has been called Hamilton for the Bible. 

With that, I'm going to take a blog break and do some actual physical reading of one of my (not yet to audio) authors - Laurel Mathewson. 

Book Report: The Road Back to You

The last time I was away from my family for a couple of nights was to meet these lovely ladies in Salt Lake City in January 2019. 

But imagine Angela is in the picture and we'd just seen Jackie Chan at high tea. 

As part of our girl bonding, Amber had me take an Enneagram test. The girls predicted result matched the test's results: I was "an eight, with a seven wing." 

This challenger type jived with my perception of myself. I don't necessarily need to be in control, but I don't want to be controlled. I have problems with authority if I don't think they are competent. When I told Shandong of my dad's military aspirations for me, she laughed out-loud and said if I was in the military I would have been "court-martialed" for asking too many questions. I also like to have a good time - hence the seven wing. 

I didn't really think much of the Enneagram again until Zachary Levi mentioned learning his number as part of his mental health journey. I poked around in Richard Rohr's book until Laurel recommended the Road Back to You.

I love this book. It is approachable and entertaining. The author has major dad humor, which is the predominant type of comedy in our house these days. I only read the intro, my number, Paul's number, and the conclusion. If I had more capacity, I would read the whole book to learn how to relate to everyone. 

During the intro I was totally convinced that I had been wrongly labeled my whole life and that I in-fact am a Four - the individualist. Anyone who knows me and the Enneagram is laughing out loud right now. I don't have these big emotional ranges. One of my closest childhood friends labeled me "the most rational person he knows." As such, this momentary confusion was the final wake-up call for me. 

My mental health in the last year has taken a spectacular swan dive. The precipitous event was our first round of covid in June last year. The three months of illness leading up to that first round of Covid and then the following eleven sick months also haven't helped. But who's counting? Me. Because this is just over the top - almost 14 months of constant illness.

At first I just started feeling really run-down, with no energy for any activity that wasn't basic - getting kids to school, putting food on the table, etc. I diagnosed my lack of energy as low level burn-out. I am more of a morning person, but I started having trouble getting out of bed. More recently, I heard a sermon about mental health where the pastor was talking about activities that fill your heart. I realized I couldn't name a single thing in my life that either brought me joy or I looked towards in anticipation. I even had to give myself pep-talks to get out of house to meet-up with people whom I love. I just wanted to be alone and stay in bed.

So what happened? How did my mental health stay solid through the decline of my mom, the worst mothers' day of 2016 - first one without my mom with a scheduled d and c for a partial molar pregnancy the next day, 3 1/3 pregnancies and three postpartum periods, and the isolation of covid - only to fall apart now? Maybe it's the post finals scenario? You power through the studying and then when you're done your body allows you to get sick. I don't know. But here we are.

My original plan was just to keep doing what I am doing - reading, praying, and thinking my way out of this. But, a recent session with my therapist suggested that I get some antidepressants. So, I started about a week and a half ago. They aren't supposed to take effect for two weeks. Unfortunately the side-effects of sleep disturbance started right away. TBD if we will need to do some tweaking. I will meet with a psychiatrist in a couple weeks to see if there is a better medication for me. I feel like even getting used to medication is one more barrier in an otherwise exhausting existence. But, I need to try.

One of my best Berlin buddies, Shanni, just left for China this morning. One of my other besties, Courtney, leaves for Portland in a week taking her lovely wife and my sweet baby buddy with her. My heart and brain are feeling especially fragile at the moment. I'll be taking some tips from my self-care guru / emotional support puppy as I find my road back.

Inspired by Cruella - another hit for a sick-day movie.